Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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