I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I had to cum in my sink.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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