Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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