I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
