I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
