I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
