just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
