Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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