when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
