There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
