It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
