i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It's shark week go big or go home
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
