I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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