Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
