new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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