3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
