i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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