tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
