no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
