please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
