So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
