We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
