She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
