the condom got lost in my hair
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The chlamydia really affected his face.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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