my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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