We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
