Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
