I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
