Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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