Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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