I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Enjoy the penises
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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