whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Randomize
