glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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