I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
