fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize