i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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