Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
