until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The uberlube is also flammable
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
