I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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