What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
