Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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