Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
