All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
