? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
