well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
