my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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