I'm going to jail i love you
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize