What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
