Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
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