Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
