Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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