she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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