I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
