God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
