how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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