Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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