I miss vodka workout Fridays
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
