end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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