The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
