Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
