Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
