I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
