Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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