o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
