but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
