I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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