I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
