I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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