so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
