Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
