You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
